Insecurities
by imdoingthiswhy
Summary: Post - The Wild Rover. The conversation after the kiss. Productive fluff?


**Insecurities**

Kate leaned in to kiss him; and Castle met her halfway, wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her down with him where they shared a number of satisfying kisses, more appreciative and comforting than sexual.

"Thank you," Castle said, and their soft conversation coontinued between the lingering touches of their lips.

"For what?"

"For still being here…no matter what might disappoint you."

"If you're still talking about the Jordan dream, I don't see it that way. I think you should be proud that you worked so hard to live up to expectations. A couple of decades of best sellers should show you that; but in spite of all that, you're still disappointed in yourself." She paused for another kiss. "I know how many times I've disappointed you, and you're still here; so this is no more than you've done for me. Don't you think you deserve someone to do the same for you?"

"That's different. I…"

"You really don't, do you?" she asked, pushing up on one elbow to give him a challenging look. He turned to face her, his arm still around her waist, and she stared him down as she asked again. "Do you?"

"But I'm _supposed_ to take care of you…I…"

"And if we're in this for good, I'm supposed to take care of you, too. I don't intend to be "the little woman"…I intend to be an equal partner. That means I have equal responsibility for being there when _you_ need some reassurance."

Kate made that announcement with such conviction that Castle couldn't find words to answer it, so he just pulled her back into his arms and held her close.

She kissed the underside of his jaw and said teasingly, "I'm starting to think you may have as many insecurities as I do. We could be in trouble." She followed that with another little kiss and a smile, and he looked down as if he might be assessing her observation for her meaning.

He seemed to see what he needed to see and gave her a smile in return, a rather solemn one for a Castle smile, but a smile nonetheless. After kissing her forehead, he rolled them over again so he was on his back and she was stretched out above him. She folded her arms just below his chin and rested her chin on her arms to look at him, and he watched her lovingly as he stroked his hands over her back and shoulders. After taking in a deep breath and releasing it slowly, he then admitted, "Yeah. We might be in a little trouble. You think you can handle that…indefinitely?"

"Who is it who keeps telling me we can do this?"

"I guess that would be me?"

"Are you doubting us now that we've made it through almost a year?"

"No."

"Are you doubting me?"

"No."

"Something pulled that memory out of hiding. Where did the Jordan dream come from? And why did I hear the name so often?"

"It was running in a loop through my dreams…almost like the word 'fraud' was flashing in red lights in my face over and over."

"Is it worrying you now for some specific reason?" When he remained quiet, still skimming his hands over her back and shoulders, she told him, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'll listen if you want to get it off your mind. And just for the record, I don't see you as a fraud. You're legitimately a best-selling author…nobody wrote those books for you. You're legitimately a great father. You say you were lucky with Alexis. I say Alexis is the lucky one. She's smart and responsible and independent and easy to be around, and she knows she's loved unconditionally. That's a major accomplishment that you're responsible for…no fraud there, either. You're…"

Kate suddenly felt a light laugh rumble through Rick's chest as he watched her talk.

"You're not going to let anybody badmouth me, are you?" he asked. "Not even me."

"Nope. _Nobody_ gets to badmouth my partner…except me once in a while."

He ran his fingers through her hair, gently kneading the back of her head, and looked more serious. "Maybe the dream came up because sometimes I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"That I'll lose you. That you'll dig farther into the real me, come to your senses one day, and realize you can't…"

"No."

"It's happened with one girlfriend and two wives. They all left. I don't know how I'd cope with losing you that way. I didn't love any of them like this."

"That isn't going to happen," Kate said from her place on his chest, trailing her fingers across his cheek. "The longer I'm with you, the more I want to be with you. And I'm scared, too…for the same reason. I'm afraid you'll come to _your_ senses and…"

"Not going to happen, Detective. I'm in this for as long as you can put up with me."

"Then trust in us enough to talk to me when something like this is worrying you."

"Said the pot to the kettle?" he teased. "I've kept it all in for so long it's hard to part with it, but I'll try. Will you do the same?"

"I _am_ trying, Rick. I've come a long way."

"I know, and I'm proud of you."

"I like that you're proud of me."

"Yeah?" He looked pleased, the little twinkle returning to his eyes.

"Yeah. It feels good," she answered, tracing his lips with one finger. "And the real you is my favorite part. So far, I think he's pretty awesome."

He caught her finger with his teeth mischievously, then sat up, turning Kate so she was in his lap, and kissed her again. "You sure you want to feed my ego like that?"

"It sounded like it needed feeding tonight. Tomorrow I may have to knock it back down," she answered with an equally mischievous grin."

"It's been a long day. Why don't we take this to bed before Mother gets home and spends another week taunting us about coming home and finding us making out on the couch?"

She stood, and he followed her. Arms around each other's waists, they walked toward the bedroom, teasing as they walked.

"I love your mother, but tonight, I'd rather have you to myself."

"You're feeding my ego again."

"Don't get too used to it, Writer-man."

"I know better, Detective. I'll just make the best of it while it's here."

With that, they closed doors behind them and settled in for the night, each feeling a little more confident they could make their growing relationship work.


End file.
